Hey guys.
It's been a busy few weeks with us getting ready for Christmas, and attending several winter/holiday themed events in the area. I've been working my little fingers off, both at home and at work. It's been a hectic few weeks!

I've been wanting to write a post like this for a while. I know I'm not the only one that feels the pit growing in the bottom of their stomach once the summer comes to a close, knowing that the "big" holidays are right around the corner.

I'm going to let you into my world a little bit here. Bare with me.

When I was very newly 18 years old, my mom died. The day before Halloween. My then favorite holiday. I had planned on dressing up as Tinkerbell for work and was so excited about it. Instead, I went into work on Halloween night in my pajamas, puffy faced and crying to put in for the longest leave I could possibly take. I cried through the entire grace during Thanksgiving that year and spent the majority of Christmas Day curled up into a ball in the corner chair in the living room of my first apartment, wrapped in a blanket and sobbing while staring at a fake tree that I couldn't stand. 

Two sets of holidays later and I was together with my now husband. He got me as the black wave of grief was turning more into a tide, coming in and out but never fully consuming me like it used to. Now seven years after her passing I can manage my sadness, anger and jealousy better even though it seems as though it's more unpredictable. Some days it's a still pond, some days a waterfall. My soul aches over the fact that she will never meet my son - who is her twin in both looks and personality, or my husband. Each Mother's Day and birthday is a double edged sword. I miss her on hers and on mine. I still wonder how different my life would be if she were here, another setting at my dinner table for the holidays, and certain songs and movies still squeeze my heart tight. Major life events like the birth of my child and my wedding day felt wholly incomplete. But I have ways of making it more manageable and I'd like to share them with you.

These are things I actually do, during the holidays and really - every day that is harder than normal.
I promise.

- Practice Self Care.

Take time to be alone if you need to. Allow yourself to cry. Go for a long drive through the country, or maybe to your favorite city! Window shop. Take a bubble bath. Put your headphones in and dance it out, or just allow yourself to drown out the world with the music. (Noise cancelling headphones are THE best!) Treat yourself to lunch. Meditate/do yoga. Go for a walk and appreciate the world around you. Bake! Read a book. Create something pretty.
Or, sleep! Sometimes a nap when I'm sad is exactly what my soul needs.
(Sometimes it's hard to do "positive" things, such as create, if you're having a really tough day - and that's okay! You have to do what feels best for you!)

- Remember Them as Much as YOU Can Handle. 

Don't force yourself to surround yourself with things of theirs of things that constantly remind you of them if that's not what you can handle. I have a few of my moms things in our house, and had things of hers at our wedding. My wedding dress even had similar details to hers to honor her. I have a photo of myself, her and my sister on my dresser to remind myself of the type of woman I aspire to be each day.
But her ashes? Her ashes are at my dads. Because I can't handle having them at my house. And that's okay! I go to the cemetery to visit and talk to her frequently, but only if I know I'm having a day where I can handle it mentally in a positive light and not even 1% less.

-Have Someone You Can Talk to About Your Feelings.
(But Respect Their Boundaries if it's Someone They've Lost, too.)

I speak very openly about my mom with my sister because we both know when the other one is feeling too sad about it to continue, but won't do the same with my dad because he's much harder to read and a lot more closed off. Talking with my husband (who unfortunately never met her) really helps me too because he's my safe place and allows me to sob it out if I need him to be a human Kleenex. A best friend/spouse/family member that can give you all the hugs is wonderful.
(Having a counselor or a therapist is a great idea too, but this isn't something I personally follow.)

- Do Something That Would Make Them Smile if They Were Here.
On my mom's birthday every year I go to the bakery and get a carrot cake cupcake and a cup of coffee. She loved carrot cake and it still makes me feel like she's close by. It's a little thing, but it brings back lots of positive memories.
 

- Make a Donation in Their Honor
I frequently donate blood because blood transfusions prolonged her life and I had made a promise to her as a young teen that when I came of age to do so, I would, so other people could also get help!
Think of something that was special to them, or something that helps people with the same disease or situation they were in if that's how they passed. (Such as The American Heart Association and similar) Or you can do things such as donate books to nursing homes, volunteer, work at a soup kitchen and so forth! Good karma & keeping their memory alive. Win-Win!

But most importantly:
Remind yourself that you are a human and it's okay to feel lost, sad, jealous, angry, robbed of something special, and any other emotions that come along with grief. 
 

Deep breaths and surrounding myself with positive energy seems to be what works the most overall for me. 

What works for you?

Please share in the comments below, you never know who you could be helping! 

Be well and merry this holiday season. 

Love, 

Fawn.